What Drives Miss Daisy Crazy

Who'd a thunk it?

2008-11-11T17:01:00.001-08:00

From Mayfield to Gay Paree. It looks like Wally Cleaver has finally made it to the big time. An artist since his teen years on the "Leave It To Beaver" show, actor Tony Dow always knew what he wanted to be when he grew up: a sculptor. And today it paid off when it was announced that his bronze sculpture "Unarmed Warrior" will go on display at the Louvre. THE LOUVRE!! For those of us who grew up watching Wally, Beaver, Lumpy Rutherford and Eddie Haskell "golly-gee-whiz" their way through Mayfield High, the irony is delicious. It's abso-fab to see a child star make the big time!! Congratulations Wally! We know that Ward, where ever he may be, is proud of you!!

Long overdue

2008-11-11T14:58:00.001-08:00

It's okay, you can keep 'em

2008-11-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

You know, after Obama's sweeping and historic victory, you would think that Sarah Palin would have faded quietly back into obscurity in the Great White North. But she just keeps coming back, providing more great material. Remember the - ahem - flap over her clothing expenditures?

According to Associated Press writer, Gene Johnson, Palin spent the last weekend trying to locate some of the $150,000 worth of clothing bought for her (and disputedly for her family) by the Republican National Party so it could be returned.

Her father, Chuck Heath, said Palin spent part of the weekend going through her clothing to determine what belongs to the Republican Party.

She was just frantically ... trying to sort stuff out," Heath said. "That's the problem, you know, the kids lose underwear, and everything has to be accounted for. Nothing goes right back to normal ... "

Her kids lost their undies? I don't know about you guys, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm thinkin' they can keep 'em. But I do agree with her dad on one thing: so far, nothing about Sarah has gone right back to normal. And really, I don't think it ever will.

Needs no caption

2008-10-28T11:56:00.001-07:00

I miss the good old days

2008-10-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

BLUE ASH, Ohio – Police in Ohio say an 89-year-old woman is facing a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children accuse her of refusing to give back their football. Edna Jester was arrested last week in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash. Police Capt. James Schaffer says there has been an ongoing dispute in the neighborhood over kids' balls landing in the woman's yard.

Arrested??!! Gimme a break. Back when I was a kid, if some old lady on our block had kept our football after repeatedly asking us not to play in her yard, my dad would have said: "I told you kids to stay outta there! That should teach you a lesson!"

And that would have been that. Sadder but wiser, we would have gone on to save up for another football and would have stopped playing in Mrs. Jester's yard.

Then we would have egged her house on Halloween.

Joe in Real Life

2008-10-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

I've had just about enough of that dag-nabbit, by gum, golly-gosh-you-betcha hockey mom crapola. In her blundering efforts to show herself as a "real Main Street-er," Sarah Palin not only made an ass of herself, she condescended to the hardship experiences of regular Americans.

Joe Biden gets it. With grace and passion (and a remarkable lack of gol-dernits), he gave us a glimpse of what it is that makes him so attuned to the rest of us living here in real life.

Biden Chokes Up @ Yahoo! Video

Democrats are varmints!!

2008-09-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

My daddy says that Sarah Palin is "Yosemite Sam in a skirt." I see a ton of resemblance, don't you? I guess maybe the only difference is that her hair is black. Otherwise, she's a dead ringer.

Obama, McCain and the Truth About Taxes

2008-09-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

Unless you make more than $2.87 million per year, Barack Obama will not raise your taxes. In fact, he will probably cut them.

This reality has been trampled, twisted, turned inside out and scribbled over so many times by the McCain campaign that it is hardly recognizable amid the clutter, but the fact remains: Obama's plan would grant tax cuts to all Americans making less than $226,982 per year, with the largest cuts going to the poorest individuals. Only the wealthiest 0.1 percent of earners would have to pay more.

Click here to read more on the site "Truthout":

http://www.truthout.org/article/obama-mccain-and-truth-about-taxes

Props to my friend Ken for sending along the story!

Sock a little poke salad to me!

2008-09-22T10:34:00.001-07:00

I've started to think about what kind of songs boomers are going to be remembered by. It's true we had some of the best music ever growing up. But every so often, I run across one that just makes me smile because the lyrics are so ridiculous. Your honor, I submit the following evidence for your review:

Poke Salad Annie
Gators got your grannie
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cuz your mama was a-workin'
On the chain gang

And don't fergit the non-sequitorious refrain:

"Sock a little poke salad to me!"

But ... Can we handle the truth?

2008-09-13T09:20:00.001-07:00

Nicholson: You want answers?
Cruise: I think I'm entitled to them!
Nicholson: You want answers?
Cruise: I want the truth!!

Here are some questions Charlie Gibson left out of his Sarah Palin interview, and I think we are entitled to the answsers.

How can you call yourself a fiscal conservative when Wasilla was in the black as you entered the mayor's office and $22 million in debt when you left?

How do you justify bashing wasteful government spending when you charge the state of Alaska $300 for every night you spend in your own home in Wasilla?

Why do you keep asserting that you sold the Governor's jet on e-bay when in fact it never sold there but ended up being sold by a broker at a $600,000 loss to the state?

About that Bridge to Nowhere: after you were for it, you were against it but kept the money anyway, using some of it for a road to the place where the Bridge to Nowhere was going to be built. Why did you keep the money?

And here's the one I really want to know the answer to:

Can you explain the rationale behind charging rape victims for the cost of rape kits? A rape kit and forensic analysis can cost between $3,000 and $14,000. (Not to mention your belief that rape victims should have to carry the rapists' product to term.) What kind of glass ceiling are Alaskan rape victims crashing, Sarah?

Serious props go out to my SIL Tina and her friend Sara Nichols for asking the hard questions. I checked 'em all out, and yep, they're true. Obviously, the GOP doesn't think we can handle the truth or they wouldn't cherry pick her interviewers. Let's hope the rest of the country remembers the First Amendment still exists.

Center stage at the GOP convention

2008-09-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

I was all set to give Bristol Palin a break. And her mother too, for that matter. I actually believed them when they said that "family matters are off limits." As well they should be. After all, Barack Obama's mother married his father when she was 18 years old and three months pregnant. So what's to be gained by scrutinizing a teenager's indiscretion?

Absolutely nothing. Oh sure, there's something delicious about the party of "abstinence" and "family values" having an unwed mother in the spotlight. As Ricky Ricardo would say, "Sarah, you got some 'splainin' to do." But the McCain machine became absolutely apoplectic when the media started prying into the Palin's home life. Which brings me to the point of this post (I knew I'd get there eventually.)

Why is Sarah Palin introducing Levi Johnston at the convention tonight? He's not her son-in-law. Why bring him center-stage if matters between Levi and Bristol are supposed to remain sacredly private?

You can't have it both ways, Governor Palin. If you don't want the media to brand your daughter with a scarlet letter then don't bring Levi into the spotlight until after they've wed and are (against all odds regarding teenage marriages) living happily ever after. He's a kid, you doofus, just like your daughter. If you ever want your grandbaby to have a shot at living a normal life, keep your word and keep your kid's private life off center stage.

Did Sarah go to the vet?

2008-09-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone is talking about whether or not Sarah Palin was properly vetted. I asked my mom if that meant they checked to see if she had her rabies shots yet. Or at least distemper. No one wants a rabid, bad-tempered vice president. Or more accurately, another rabid, bad-tempered vice president.

But my mom said, no. "Vet" is the new cool word for checking something out. I don't remember it being used much in previous elections. I like it a lot!! I vet new people all the time. I even vet veterinarians and when my mom takes me to the VA Hospital, I vet veterans.

I see many new uses for the word "vet." Here are some ideas:

I can now ask people to stop vetting my chest. "Hey, my eyes are up here, buddy!"

However, I have no problem vetting Matthew McConaughey's abs.

I can go to DSW Shoe Warehouse and vet the new line of fall boots.

I dream of vetting Kilimanjaro someday and going to Antartica to vet the penguins.

Vet is hep, it's phat, it's groove-tron. And I'm all over it.

What’s so great aboot Canada, eh?

2008-08-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

As a United States ambassa-dog, I feel it’s my duty to report back on my recent visit to Nova Scotia. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an American girl (props to Tom Petty), born in the USA (props to Bruce Springsteen), but O! Canada!

Here are some of the great things aboot the country in general and Nova Scotia in particular in no particular order.

Canadian television. There are no commercials for pharmaceutical products. Ever. You notice it pretty quickly which just goes to show you how over-saturated we are in the US. The other cool thing is that news coverage is regional yet available to the whole country via satellite. Thus, people in the Maritimes can watch “Northbeat” which covers Nunavut and find out what’s happening to the Inuit and other native peoples living along the Arctic coast. When was the last time you watched an American program produced by native peoples detailing their daily lives, interests, hopes, dreams and challenges?

The Olympics. Watching Olympic coverage on Canadian television was so refreshing. The announcers don’t over-analyze the athletes and they say things like: “He came in eighth this year, a fine improvement over the last games!” They don’t disparage their athletes for not finishing on the medal stand, but rather, praise them for the enormous effort put forth just to get there.

It’s green and clean. Americans have a lot to learn from their northern neighbors when it comes to living green. Even the tiny town of Lunenburg, Nova Scotia collects food scraps and other organic waste and recycles them in a city compost center. Residents can then get free, non-chemical fertilizer for their gardens and lawns.

Smoking not glorified. Unless you’re watching an American program, you don’t see people smoking. And if you DO want to buy cigarettes, you won’t find them prominently displayed up front in every grocery and convenience store. Oh, they have them alright. But they’re back behind the counter in a plain, non-sexy display stand.

So, while they may be just a tad over-the-top on hockey, Canadians are an amazing bunch. What a pity we Americans are so xenophobic we hardly ever take the time to get to know more about them.

Pop Quiz: Can YOU name the Prime Minister of Canada? Didn't think so. But don't worry, I couldn't either before I went there. It's aboot time we Americans made the effort to know more aboot our wonderful neighbors to the north.

Things that make you go "h-m-m-m-m ..."

2008-08-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

I was so excited when I saw John McCain's veep choice! Finally, that loopy old fart is showing some class and naming a smart, savvy, sexy woman to the ticket. Then my mommy told me it wasn't Tina Fey, it was some doofus from Hooterville. And not the good Hooterville, some weird Hooterville in the middle of East Nowhere, Alaska. I only hope that someone, somewhere has explained to her "just exactly what the Vice President does."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUMWJoLR1sM

When McCain announced his choice, Governor Palin invoked Hillary Clinton's historic White House bid. I can't wait for the Vice Presidential debates when Joe Biden gets to say: "I know Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton is a friend of mine. And Governor, you are no Hillary Clinton." Stay tuned.

They wanted the tira misu

2008-08-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

ROME (Reuters) - About 60 newly hatched sea turtles lost their way during their ritual passage to the sea and marched into an Italian restaurant instead, a conservation worker said on Monday.

The baby turtles -- which ended up under the tables of startled diners at the beachside restaurant -- were probably thrown off track and lured by the eatery's bright lights, said Antonio Colucci, who was called to help rescue the group.

I love it that they "marched" into the restaurant. They didn't amble, they didn't mosey, they didn't make reservations, they just marched right in.

You go, baby turtles!!

Today's Haiku

2008-08-16T09:21:00.001-07:00

I flee in terror
Unhappy beast spews green goo
Disposal ... broken

Dateline: Georgia

2008-08-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I’m best known as a political dogblogger, but I’m not talking about the Georgia full of greedy Russians. It’s the OTHER Georgia, the one where Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob and Goober Bob leave their trailer early in the mornin’ and go a-huntin’ fer ‘possum and other elusive critters.

Well! Guess what they found? A dead Bigfoot. Which they promptly put in a big ole carton and then froze it fer a month and didn’t tell nobody. Til yesterday.

They held a press conference with pictures and everything. According to Curt Nelson, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who performed a DNA analysis on Bigfoot, one of the two samples came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum.

The AP reports that their spokesman is saying the DNA samples may not have been taken correctly and may have been contaminated, and that he would proceed with an autopsy of the alleged Bigfoot remains, currently in a freezer at an undisclosed location, which I’m guessin’ is right back of Jimmy Bob’s toolshed.

Now, why are they a-doin' that? Bigfoot’s kin are grieving!! They need closure!! Put him back you redneck morons!!

The Theme

2008-08-12T16:48:00.001-07:00

Like winter's first snow

It's great for a day or two

Then it drives you nuts

In Memoriam

2008-08-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

We lost two of the greats this weekend. To Bernie and Isaac, thanks for sharing your gifts. You are missed.

The Real Beijing

2008-08-09T11:57:00.001-07:00

Somewhere during the upcoming coverage of the Olympics, I'm sure the media will try to do a piece on "the real Beijing" - I'll be interested to see it. There's no doubt in my mind the Chinese have tried to "olympicize" their hutongs, little pocket neighborhoods in the city that haven't changed much in the past 200 years. After all, the Beijing Olympics are all about showcasing China as a superpower, and the gentle pace of life in the hutongs is a step back in time. A time when there was scant heat or running water, and very little electricity for refrigeration or light.

We were lucky enough to find a hutong during our visit three years ago. It was probably six square blocks of one of the most amazing markets I've ever seen. There was a whole street devoted just to the sale of cicadas. In the city, especially a concrete monolith like Beijing, residents long for a feeling of connectedness to nature. Having a cicada or a cricket in the house brings good luck (and the illusion that you're living in the country, I guess). So they sell these elaborate little clay houses for the cicadas and crickets. But let me tell you -- some of those Chinese cicadas are pretty huge. We saw more than one stall selling them with little leashes so you could take them out for a walk. Another street was devoted to chickens, and chicken parts. Live chickens stacked in cages one above the other. Little dried chicken feet sold in bunches. The "end caps" as we like to call them in America, you know, the little showcased items at the end of an aisle, often held tubs of worms for feeding the chickens and cicadas. There was a store that sold erhus - an instrument kind of like a Chinese violin, only with three strings. Although we were the only Westerners there that day, apparently we were not the first to find the erhu store. The manager broke into a rendition of "Yankee Doodle" when we walked by!

Even back in 2005, Beijing was gearing up for the Olympics of course. Renovations were underway in the Forbidden City and at the Summer Palace. And the "Bird's Nest" was just breaking ground. But our hosts made sure we saw where the Olympics were going to be held. The sense of anticipation and pride was palpable even then.

So last night I watched the opening ceremonies with a sense of awe. Say what you will about the Chinese government's human rights abuses. In my opinion, the United States has no room to talk on this issue. The average Beijing-er is no different from the average Chicagoan, or the average Parisian, or the average human anywhere. They love their children, and they love their country and they are proud to be who they are. They have done something beautiful and marvelous and they should be honored for their efforts.

I wonder about that little hutong market. It's about three blocks down from where Mayor Daley (and President Bush for that matter) are staying. I'd be willing to bet that if it is still there, it's been given a "facelift" for visiting dignitaries. That would be a travesty for sure. In that exotic and wonderful place, there was a happiness and vitality that, for me at least, epitomized the spirit of Beijing.

Bravo, Beijing, and Shih-shih for a wonderful opening ceremony.

Today's Haiku

2008-08-07T09:34:00.001-07:00

I look everywhere

The clicker, it is missing

Don't make me get up

Unbifurcated Garments

2008-08-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows I am a BIG fan of unbifurcated garments. That's why I was so thrilled to see that there's a postman out there who is lobbying the mailcarriers union to adopt the "Male Unbifurcated Garment" (aka "kilt") for comfort's sake.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080807/ap_on_fe_st/odd_postal_kilt_1

Not only are they comfortable, they're incredibly stylish. And they don't chafe.

-- Miss Daisy

Beijing Toll Booth

2008-08-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

Not EVERYTHING drives me crazy. Some things are just plain groovy and worth sharing with y'all. So ... although this is definitely not as spectacular as the Olympic stadium, I still thought it was pretty cool. This is a (rather blurry) picture taken from our bus window at a tollbooth on the highway between downtown Beijing and the airport. Check out the level of detail, it really is amazing!
-- Miss Daisy

The Story of Stuff

2008-08-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

My very good friend Cooper sent this to me. I hope you will make some time to watch it. And then send it to your friends. -- Miss Daisy

http://www.storyofstuff.com/index.html

Blowin' in the Wind

2008-08-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken today as President Bush was leaving for China. Forget the goofy look on his face, what I want to know is: what is UP with his hair? Or rather, his lack of it. He's got a kind of Ben Franklin thing going on ... add some little square glasses and shoot, he's a dead ringer. What's next? Is he going to adopt the McCain comb-over? At least my candidate looks good in the wind.
-- Miss Daisy

Condiments of Mass Destruction

2008-08-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Well, at first tomatoes were the suspect. The CDC was SURE they were the salmonella culprit. When that didn't pan out, they started to suspect cilantro. It was clear to me that this was a salsa-borne illness. And what do you know, the latest vector is a jalapeno farm in Mexico.

Wake up, people!! Can't you see that they are trying to destroy us with CMDs ??

-- Miss Daisy

Guilt by Association or …We’ll Always Have Paris

2008-08-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

According to the AP, Obama has dropped in the polls since McCain’s recent ad decrying his “celebrity” persona started running. You’re kidding me, right? Are there really some “undecideds” out there who are saying to themselves: “Hey! Check out Paris hangin' with Obama!” Hello! Did anyone notice they’re not even in the same frame at the same time? Their association is implied and apparently for some folks, that’s enough.

Unfortunately, Obama is too classy to stoop to the same tactics. Thankfully, I’m not. I’ve been thinking about who could make a cameo in an Obama response ad -- you know, some cantankerous old coot, a McCain contemporary, as it were. Here are my top choices.

-- Miss Daisy

Biba Manamko!

2008-08-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

Guam is, at least according to the Chamorro (aka Guamanians to all you haoles out there), "Where America's Day Begins." I suppose it's true. The day starts 18 hours earlier there than it does in the Midwest. Which results in some major weirdness when you're from the mainland and you move there. But you eventually get used to things like "SuperBowl Monday". All the businesses are closed and most people take the day off to get drunk and watch the game. By half-time, it's not even noon.

Every May, the Chamorro celebrate Biba Manamko Week. Biba Manamko means "Long Live Our Elders." On Guam, it's cool to get old.

That's why I'm dedicating this post to Brett Favre. Biba Manamko, dude! And may you make it to SuperBowl Monday, 2009.
-- Miss Daisy

¿Qué puede hacer con esta perrita?

2008-08-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

¿Qué puede hacer con una perrita quién habla español? No sé, pero esta perra sabe eso: tengo mucha suerte porque vivo en el Condado de Cook dondé hasta los muertos pueden votar. Si, no es raro para una perrita emitir una votación. ¡SI, SE PUEDE!
-- Srta. Daisy

And on the 8th day, God created Snopes

2008-08-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've gotten them, too. Those horrid emails about Obama. You know the ones I mean -- I don't even want to repeat what they say. But for some reason, in this unprecedented election, people are using the Internet to "swift boat" him, hitting the "forward" button to their entire address book with the stupidest, hate-filled crap imaginable. And here's the thing: the senders either don't know, or don't want to know, if the stuff is true.

That's why, on the 8th day, God created Snopes. Check it out my friends, good and bad, it's all on there: http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/obama.asp

-- Miss Daisy

Yellow Dog

2008-08-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

Most people don't think of dogs as being political. But, of course, they're wrong. I'm as red, white and blue as they come, but I'm what you'd call a "yellow dog democrat" -- and if you don't know what that means, you probably won't "get" most of my blogs.

Want to know what's driving me crazy lately? John McCain. What a loopy old fart he is! (And trust me, I know something about farting, but I digress ... ) The media seems to be giving him a pass on his faux pas -- it's almost like he's going to get the Reagan treatmeant. Was it really okay for him to sing "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran?"

I'm having deja vu. Only this time Art Linkletter is in prime time hosting "Grandpas Say The Darndest Things." Tune in. I believe it's right after GE Theater. -- Miss Daisy